Best Man Speech Jokes

Giving a best man speech is one of the most important moments of a wedding. It’s your chance to entertain the guests, show your support for the bride and groom, and leave everyone laughing. A great best man speech is a perfect blend of heartfelt moments, humour, and good-natured teasing. To help you craft the perfect speech, we’ve gathered some of the best jokes that will have the entire crowd in stitches. Here are the top jokes to consider including in your best man speech.

1. Funny Marriage Advice

“Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right, and the other person is the husband.”

“Behind every great man, there’s a woman rolling her eyes.”

“Marriage is when a man and woman become one. The trouble starts when they try to decide which one.”

2. Lighthearted Roast of the Groom

“Before I begin, I’d like to acknowledge the groom. He’s the kind of guy who would give you the shirt off his back… but only if you promised to return it after the wedding.”

“I’ve known [Groom’s Name] for years, and let me tell you, when he first told me he was going to marry [Bride’s Name], I thought it was a prank. I couldn’t believe anyone could love a guy who wears socks with sandals.”

“Now, I know we’re all here to celebrate [Bride’s Name] and [Groom’s Name], but let’s take a moment to remember that [Groom’s Name] has had a lot of practice with commitment. He’s been on the same football team for 10 years, and somehow he still can’t commit to picking up his socks.”

3. Funny Couple Jokes

“You know you’re in a relationship when ‘Netflix and Chill’ turns into ‘Netflix and Fall Asleep on the Couch.’”

“Marriage is not about finding someone you can live with, it’s about finding someone you can’t live without. And if you’re [Groom’s Name], it’s about finding someone who can tolerate your bad jokes.”

“When you’re married, it’s important to communicate. That’s why [Bride’s Name] tells [Groom’s Name] exactly what she wants, and he tells her exactly what he’s thinking—usually, ‘What do you want for dinner?’”

4. Funny Jokes About Weddings

“I’d like to take a moment to thank the bride’s parents for everything they’ve done today… and to remind them that this isn’t just a wedding. This is the beginning of a lifetime of making sure that the in-laws get along. Good luck!”

“Weddings are like snowflakes. Each one is beautiful, unique, and yet, somehow, they all cost an arm and a leg.”

“Have you noticed that wedding speeches are like a cake? They get sweeter as they go along… until someone says, ‘And now, the first dance.’”

5. Making Fun of the Groom’s Grooming Habits

“[Groom’s Name] has always been a bit of a perfectionist. He once spent two hours deciding which socks to wear. And that was just to impress [Bride’s Name].”

“Let’s talk about how much effort [Groom’s Name] puts into his appearance. You know, it’s funny because his hair has more product in it than a shampoo commercial, but when it comes to his wardrobe, he still thinks ‘laundry day’ is a fashion statement.”

“Before I met [Groom’s Name], I never thought I’d see a grown man spend more time choosing his outfit than most women. He actually texted me for advice on which tie to wear to his own wedding. My advice? Don’t let your wife pick it out.”

6. Jokes About the Bride

“I’ve got to say, [Bride’s Name] is a perfect match for [Groom’s Name]. I mean, she’s beautiful, intelligent, and has an incredible sense of humour. And I’m sure it was that last quality that convinced her to marry him.”

“Everyone says the bride looks stunning today, and they’re right. But let’s not forget—[Groom’s Name] hasn’t looked this good since… well, ever.”

“Now, I’ve known [Bride’s Name] for a while, and I have to say, I think she’s really made a great choice. I’ve never seen someone so dedicated to making sure that [Groom’s Name] doesn’t wear anything too embarrassing. I mean, she’s the real hero here.”

7. Funny Jokes About Relationships

“Relationships are all about balance. For example, the husband does the heavy lifting, and the wife does the heavy thinking.”

“One thing I’ve learned from watching [Groom’s Name] and [Bride’s Name] is that the key to a successful relationship is compromise. Like, when [Groom’s Name] wants to watch the game and [Bride’s Name] wants to watch a romantic comedy. Compromise means he gets to watch the game, but with her choosing the snacks.”

“A good relationship is like a good cup of coffee. It takes time, patience, and the occasional refill.”

8. Jokes About Being the Best Man

“As best man, my job is to make sure everything goes smoothly and to make sure that [Groom’s Name] stays out of trouble. But let’s be honest, we all know it’s the bride who’s been running the show from the start.”

“Being the best man is a huge honour. I mean, who else could stand up here and talk about [Groom’s Name] for 10 minutes, without him interrupting me to tell me I’m wrong about something?”

“Let’s be real: I’m the best man because they couldn’t find anyone better. But don’t worry, I’ve got some great jokes lined up… mostly about how [Groom’s Name] has been training for this day by practising his vows in front of a mirror.”

9. Funny Jokes About Marriage Vows

“Marriage vows are serious business, but let’s be honest: when you’re standing there, looking at your partner, you’re also thinking, ‘I’m about to make a promise that I’ll definitely break when we’re deciding where to go for dinner.’”

“Here’s some advice for the groom: when she says, ‘Do you love me?’ just say, ‘Of course, always, and forever,’ and never mention the fact that she was wearing that dress to ask you.”

“Marriage is all about taking vows. And while those vows may seem serious, let’s face it: we’re all secretly hoping we can survive the first few months without Googling ‘How to pretend you didn’t hear her’.”

10. Funny Closing Line

“I just want to finish by saying that I’m incredibly honoured to be here today, standing beside two of the most amazing people I know. And I think we can all agree that this is just the beginning of their beautiful journey together… especially since [Groom’s Name] has learned that saying ‘Yes dear’ works wonders for every situation.”

A great best man speech isn’t just about telling jokes—it’s about sharing memories and making everyone feel included in the celebration. By using these jokes in your speech, you’ll definitely have the crowd laughing, creating the perfect balance of humour and heartfelt moments. Just remember: timing is everything. And as you look at the happy couple as the best man and deliver your speech, you can be sure that your jokes will make this wedding day even more unforgettable.

I hope you found some of these best man speech jokes entertaining! For something similar from me, see The Best Computer Games for A Lad’s Night In.